What do you think of this excerpt of my story?

I sat outside by the pool on a warm summer afternoon. You know the type, with the light breeze, no clouds in the sky, the smell of neighbors barbecuing next door. It was perfect, even though I could have been in Hawaii.
My beautiful older sister, Tori sat beside me on a brightly colored beach towel, tanning. Her naturally blonde hair was pulled to one side of her face.
“Rebecca?” She said, not looking up.
“Yes?” I responded.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m writing in my journal,”
“Why?”
I sighed impatiently, “Because I like to write.”
She looked at me for the first time, “But why do you like to write?”
I thought about it for a second, “Because it’s just my way of expressing myself and letting out suppressed emotions. Is that a good enough explanation for you?”
“Yeah. I was just wondering,” She turned back towards the sun’s rays.
My sister and I were barely a year apart, but we were in the same grade, because I was moved up a grade due to my “vast capability of knowledge” and more big words. If I was supposed to be so smart, why didn’t I understand any part of what the so called “experts” were saying?
But anyways, Tori and I had always been close, but then puberty hit, and she got blessed with good looks and a flawless face, and I was not-so-blessed. With a head full of mousy brown hair and boring brown eyes, I was totally unnoticeable. Well, to most people.
I watched Tori stand, her bronzed body glistening in the sun. She looked out towards the white picket fence and waved at someone, a flirtatious smile gracing her luscious lips. I was guessing the person was our 23-year-old neighbor, Dean, who had an odd thing for 16-year-old girls apparently.
I turned my attention back to the laptop which was balancing on my knees; an e-mail from my best friend, Summer was on the screen. She had sent it all the way from Hawaii, where she and her family, including her hot and so-into-me brother, Blake, were vacationing. I began to scan it, savoring every line.



Becca,
It’s so warm down here! I wish you could see the amazing view we have from our hotel balcony. The ocean is as clear as glass, and I don’t ever want to leave.
Blake told me to say hi. He has mentioned you a few times since we have been here. Is there something I should know about?
So what’s new in Texas? Are you having fun sipping iced tea by the pool and watching Dean mow his yard with his shirt off? Hmm, that sight alone is enough for me to hop on the next flight back to the mainland.
Well, Mom is badgering me to get off the computer and go to the beach with them. I promise to write more to you later.

Love,
Summer

I smiled at the screen with delight. Blake had been asking about me! I e-mailed Summer right back, telling her it was okay in Texas, Dean was as hot as ever, and I was still perfecting my tea brewing skills, but I was getting there. I clicked the send button, and something else clicked in my head.
At first, I was numb, and I remember thinking “This isn’t normal.” Then, the pain came, and I screamed in agony, falling to the floor. The laptop toppled over with me and hit with a loud crash, causing the screen to go ominously black, but I was in too much pain to worry about it.
“Rebecca!” Tori gasped my name rushing to me.
“I…it…hurts!” I wailed, and she rubbed my shoulders while whipping out her cell phone.
“No!” I yelled more forcefully than necessary, “Don’t call anyone!”
Tori stared at me in silent shock as my vision grew gray and then went dark in a snap.
Behind my closed eyes, a picture began to appear, slowly, like an old television warming up. I could only make out a nice looking room with a seaside view. As the picture became clearer, I realized that it was a bedroom, and there was a person in the bed, a pale person who was gasping for breath. I squinted my eyes, trying to decipher the still blurry picture. The pain in my head had just about disappeared, and with a click, it was gone, and the images suddenly snapped into focus.
I gasped in horror as I realized that the gasping figure on the bed was Summer’s mother, Mrs. Landon. She was grasping at her throat with one hand and reaching into the floor for her dropped inhaler with the other. I was frozen in place, unable to move anything. As I helplessly watched, her lips turned blue, and her eyes went wide. At last, she gasped once more then went limp. I expected her to miraculously sit up and walk out, but I knew somewhere deep inside that she was gone, and that this was no dream.
The scene seemed to fast forward before my eyes. I looked out the window as the sun made its way across the bright blue Hawaiian sky until it was close to setting. Then I heard voices that seemed to come from a short distance.
“Summer, go check on your mother,” This was Summer’s father.
“`Kay!” Said Summer cheerfully, the sound of a girl having a blast on vacation. She walked






Answer :
well it ended kind of suddenly so I'm assuming that it was the website. But at first it was really kind of boring but it got really exciting at the end and now I'm kind of Curious. I like it quite a bit actually.
Happy writing. Hope this helps;D answer mine?>http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;…