Do You Think My Writing is good?

This is my topic:
For vacation, your family is planning on going camping in the mountains. However, you would rather go somewhere else. Write a paper to your family explaining why they should go where you want to go.


This is my writing:


Please mom, I've already been to the mountains, I know what it looks like there. All we do is climb, go camping, and sing songs.I really don't like it there.
All my friends are going on a real vacation. Take a moment to think where you want to go more, the dry snowy mountains where you can barley do anything, or beachy Hawaii where you can relax in the sun.
Remember a couple years ago, when we took that trip to Florida. You were always smiling and laughing with me. Remember how we would walk along the beach watching the sunset slowly lower behind the ocean, and how the sand would get caught between your toes. You loved that, that will never happen on the mountains. No hotel, no gourmet meals, no pool, there's nothing fun there.
There is a lot to do in Hawaii, like surfing, searching for seashells on the beach, and not to mention shopping. In the mountains you can't surf, search for seashells, or shop. Why do you think it is so interesting there? I think it's so boring, really.
Think about it, the cold, boring,
mountains, or warm, sunny, Hawaii. You decide.






Answer :
Great argument, but if you really want to win you shouldn't say that there's scarcely anything to do at the mountains whereas in Hawaii you can relax in the sun because they are both just examples of doing nothing.






Answer :
its okay but not using such good vocab
and i agree with most of the other people sitting by the beach is doing nothing, it gets really boring
and if ur going camping as the question says chances are their wont be snow on the ground, and the sun lowers not the sunset the sunset is the action of the sun going lower, and have u ever been to the mountains they have the best sunsets and ssun rises






Answer :
I agree with Lee T, relaxing in the sun is actually doing nothing. IN the mountains you can ski and snowboard. You can drink a Hot Chocolate by the fire and build snowmen and have snowball fights. Your argument does sound good though. Nice...